i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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