In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
