There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
