It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so let's talk penis.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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