used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
