I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize