'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
