Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
