my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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