Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
