Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
