Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
