just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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