If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
