Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
