i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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