Do you still have your period?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
