Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
