no. you can't hotbox the world.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
