OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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