Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
