yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize