I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
