Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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