I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
operation have a gay friend backfired
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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