Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
