is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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