how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Everyone says I win the strip club
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
