got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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