you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
