you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
