it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
