I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
