I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
