he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
