bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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