She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
