i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
