All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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