Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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