Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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