what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
