Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
