just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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