I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
