whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
