oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
