Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
