So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
