I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
