Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize