just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
40s are totally the cure
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
