I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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