Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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