Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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