Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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