I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We got so high we made milksteak
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
