Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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