it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
