Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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