So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
