Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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