We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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