I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize