Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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