i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
