just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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